Untangling Judgment

How movement, pranayama, and storytelling transformed my relationship with judgement.

It all started with needing to scream.

March 2020 — Covid quarantine.

My apartment had transformed from a place hundreds of women across Los Angeles visited for intimate storytelling circles twice a week —sharing stories, beading bracelets, and getting their fortune read by a mermaid (tail and all) soaking in my tub — to a place only my cat and I resided in. A place we never left. A place suddenly absent of magic.

The walls that once vibrated with stories now trembled with regret, worry, and fear. Zoom yoga made me more depressed, so I tried The Class by Taryn Toomey. With each yell and shake, I felt my fear and worry loosen. I felt acceptance rub shoulders with regret. I found magic again.

The issue was my newfound magic was quite loud. I began receiving texts from the boys I shared my duplex with. What are you doing? Why are you jumping up and down? Why are you screaming? You’re so loud!!!! Stop!!

I moved to another room, jumped only after noon, and muffled my screams with a pillow. But their judgment echoed through my mind, making me hate myself, making me feel I should stop doing this thing that made me feel so good.

This wasn’t new. I’d lived with others’ voices in my head for years. Constantly seeking their approval and fearing their judgment.

They had formed a relentless symphony with no off button. The older I got and the more confused I became about who I wanted to be, the louder the voices raged. I became a people-pleaser, second-guessing myself, ignoring my intuition, and trying to fit the roles others wanted me to play instead of just playing myself.

I was suddenly terrified to take up space, and this reached its pinnacle between 2014 (when my tech career began to take off) and early 2024 (when my tech career, as I knew it, ended). But the end left me in this in-between space to both grieve and dream again. To realize the truths and the untruths of the path I had been on. What I still did want, and what I maybe never did. Most importantly, I had more fire to reignite the dreams I had let die long ago.

It’s hard to keep going when others have criticized your character, belittled your dreams, abandoned you, or called you delusional — making failure feel inevitable. But maybe that struggle — the resistance, the judgment — is all part of the game we’re meant to play, pushing us to find our own truth, our own path, our own environment to cultivate and thrive in. Maybe when we do, things become easier.

Judgment itself is not inherently good or bad.

But when we unconsciously allow it to anchor us to our pasts, to all the characters we fear we are or might become, it becomes self-sabotage. We become trapped in patterns that prevent us from aligning with our true purpose.

When we detach from judgments, hold them in our hands, and really look at them, we begin to untangle truth from untruth. Truth feels calm, clean, and connected to our higher self. Untruth feels angry, fearful, shameful, and heavy. By integrating the truth and releasing the rest, judgment transforms into discernment that can guide us, protect us, and teach us.

This untangling has become one of my main pastimes as I work to find a path more aligned with me, so I wanted to share some tools that have helped me.

Tools for Transforming Judgement into Discernment

Movement

When things are physically stuck in our bodies, they’re impossible to untangle in our minds. You can dance and shake until you can shake no more. Go on a walk. Do squats or Frogs. Swim. Do pilates, yoga, The Class — anything! It’s not about what you do — just that you move every day.

Pranayama and Meditation

I’ve had a daily meditation practice for many years, but integrating a daily pranayama (breathwork) practice last year changed my life. My routine includes Fists of Anger, Cat Cow, and Ego Eradicator, but I know Kundalini isn’t for everyone. Box Breath is a great place to start, or you can try apps like Open, Breathwrk, and Othership.

Release Judgement of Others

When we judge others, we judge ourselves. Instead of labeling or critiquing, try observing — That’s interesting. Why are their actions triggering me? — and find your own stories. This helps us stay open to the flow of the universe.

Connect to your Stories

Storytelling has been my most important tool for turning past judgments into discernment. When we uncover the stories of our past, we bring the unconscious into the conscious. This helps us understand where we came from and where we want to go. Listening to others’ stories connects us to buried truths within ourselves. It reminds us that we are not alone and the human experience is shared. It’s through these connections — both to ourselves and others — that it becomes easier to let go of what no longer serves us and integrate what does.

Through these practices and the stories they’ve unearthed, I’ve come to realize that judgment isn’t the enemy — it’s the invitation. An invitation to examine, to grow, and to align more deeply with the life we want to live.

---

Here are some prompts to help you find your own stories on judgment:

• What judgment are you most grateful for? How has it helped you evolve?

• What actions have you taken to protect yourself from judgment? Did they hold you back or push you forward?

• When have you been scared to judge another? Did this help or hurt you?

• When has rejecting judgment led to new opportunities for self-actualization?

• Find one story of past judgment. What feels true? What doesn’t? What can you integrate, and what can you release?

Try a Storytelling Circle on Sol Circles today! A global community is ready and waiting for your story :)

Share Your Story on Judgement in the Comments!

I would love to hear your stories on judgment or how you moved through judgment in the comments! Sharing in community is so powerful ✨🌀