On Synchronicity

What Yoni Circle's prompt of the week brought up for me.

Sep 14, 2023

I didn’t have nice things to say about New York in my twenties.

I grew up in Connecticut, went to college in Connecticut, and by the time I turned twenty I decided New York (and the East coast in general) wasn’t for me. So after graduation when all of my friends moved to New York, I moved to Los Angeles and told anyone who would listen that I would never live in New York City, that I would always live in Los Angeles.

I went to the beach weekly, grew my crystal collection immensely, built a deep rolodex of mystical healers, and participated in drum circles on Sundays.

Then covid came in March 2020.

I went from hosting Yoni Circles out of my apartment twice a week to not seeing a human for two months. I got my groceries delivered and stayed put.

I had secured funding from venture capitalists two months prior, but had yet to use that money to hire full time engineers. The engineers I had been talking to, had decided they were no longer interested in joining a start-up. Stability had become the most sought after commodity and I didn’t have it to give. Questions came from investors — What are you doing wrong? Why can’t you secure engineers? Will you be able to build a strong tech team?

My chest began to hurt a lot. Sometimes my heart felt like it was being strangled, sometimes like it was being crushed, and other times like it was being burned. Self doubt coursed through my body and my mind tiptoed on the edge of a dark hole that swirled with suicidal thoughts. I didn’t know what to do to succeed and I wanted to just give up.

I reached out to thousands of engineers on LinkedIn.
I spent way too much money on mystical healers.
I launched the Yoni Circle app (still no full-time engineer).
I drank too much.
I did burpees and screamed until my neighbors texted me to stop.
I cried at least 4 times a day.
And I did laugh sometimes, it just eventually turned to tears.

“You have to physically see people, Chloë, you need human connection, solitude is not in your nature.” One of my mystical healers kept telling me when I began to fall into darker spaces of my mind with each phone call.

I took his advice and made plans with a friend, but then canceled at the last minute after deciding she lived too far away. Then a friend who lived close by asked if I wanted to go on a walk. I thought this was a sign.

I showed up to the Venice boardwalk wearing a mask. She called me a sheep, and told me that Covid was fake. I decided it was time for a new life. The next day I broke my lease and booked a one way ticket to New York for me and my cat.

The night before my flight, I wandered to my old neighborhood to say goodbye. I found myself sitting next to a man who I had come to learn was in tech. I told him about Yoni Circle and that I was looking for an engineer, he told me he might know a guy.

That guy joined our team a month later and is now our technical director.

Tilly and I on our way to NYC, June 2020

Our dreams unfold in ways we can’t imagine. Taking action in one part of our life — putting up a boundary, breaking up, letting go, standing in our truth, doing something that scares us — leads to a ripple effect in other parts of our lives.

What if we are all intrinsically entangled with our destiny, but we just don’t know how to use this entanglement to our advantage? What if our society’s declining connection to nature, magic, and these invisible threads that connect us all, ultimately holds us back?

I don’t have all the answers, but I do know that every time we cut cords with the people and memories that have made us doubt our voice, it becomes louder. And every time we listen to that voice and take action, we become more powerful.

I still have goals that I have not achieved, self doubt still knocks on my door, my heart still aches sometimes, but I don’t cross paths with the swirling black hole of intrusive thoughts, because I know the medicine to prevent it — connection.

Now, instead of pulling away from the world in fear when I don’t know what decision to make or I fear failure more than ever, I try to connect to it. Connect to nature, to people, to the silence, to the texture, to myself, to stories of my past, to stories of others’ past, and most importantly to the invisible threads of the universe that unite us all.

Because when I do that, it becomes easier to expect the unexpected.

I hope our world moves more and more into a place of deep connection, so we all find synchronicity in the everyday and flow into our destinies. But for now, there is Yoni Circle, where we connect, tap into our voice, find synchronicity, and know we are not alone. I hope to see you in a Circle soon. 🥰

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On Synchronicity

What Yoni Circle's prompt of the week brought up for me.

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